Today I set off with my trusty companion, a camera, and a four-legged beast. This beast, called Bear, hangs around our place waiting for something exciting to happen. To Bear, a walk is an exciting event. Bear is ancient ̶ we fear he will not last the winter. But on this occasion he leapt up and sprinted down the road like a puppy. Maybe he sensed I was fulfilling my duty as resident troll.
Yesterday, as the troll assigned to Creelman Creek, I accosted a grizzled character with a tripod taking an unauthorized picture of the creek. My first thought: a crime scene investigator. And as it happens, he was from Detroit, scene of many crimes. I rarely catch anyone taking pictures at Creelman Creek. They know I may be watching.
His first comment: “That’s such a gorgeous creek.” Well, I know that. That’s why the Troll Patrol has assigned me to guard the creek. And in my official capacity, I take many pictures of Creelman Creek. My job is to capture the gorgeousness during all of our many seasons before some unauthorized person does that. Especially a foreigner.
Yes, he admitted he was American by admitting he lived in Detroit, a very foreign place. And Americans are notorious for their incursions into Greenstone country. We trolls know what they are doing. They are spying. They are spying out this gorgeous country. They have designs upon this country.
Many Americans belong to a subversive organization called Manifest Destiny. It is subversive to us, not to them. Their goal is to incorporate as much of our country as they can into their country (yes, their foreign country). They seek to divert our waterways to quench their thirsty deserts. They siphon off our oil reserves to bolster their automotive industry in places like, yes, Detroit. They send parties into our back country to collect moose antlers and bear skins. Water, oil, moose, bears ̶ it’s all Canada to them, and they want it.
Manifest Destiny has been operative for over two hundred years. Their minions have acquired all or major parts of other countries such Mexico, Russia, Hawaii, Samoa, and the Phillipines. Most of these parts they have not yet given back. And likely never will.
So, if you meet a camera-toting foreigner anywhere in Greenstone, you should immediately notify the Troll Patrol, and a member will accost, interrogate, and if necessary, detain said foreigner. A troll will express interest in the foreigner’s place of origin, inquire his business in visiting this country, and disarm this spy by suggesting places he can lodge, places he can eat, and other gorgeous places he may wish to take pictures of.
This particular foreigner yesterday, followed up his first comment by stating, “This whole country is beautiful.” Another suspicious remark. He asked where I lived. I pointed up Creelman Creek Road, pointing away from the bridge, the culvert through which runs Creelman Creek, where in my official capacity as troll I often hide to detect subversives.
To further put him at his ease, I recommended another gorgeous scene a few minutes ride to the west. However, he said he was travelling east, and besides, he had already stopped there. Had probably stopped at the Palisades Canyon and Lake Nipigon, too, though he didn’t actually disclose that. Some of these foreigners are sneaky.
Now, for the life of me, I couldn’t recommend any scenic spots between Wildgoose Lake and Longlac. I know there are many, but I just couldn’t offhand think of any. I could have recommended ditches where wildflowers hang out, but he didn’t strike me as a ditch-crawler. We are a special breed, we ditch-crawlers.
That is why I am calling on my fellow trolls to send me pictures of their favourite scenes between Wildgoose and Longlac. So that the next time I run across one of these spies, I can send him or her off with a list of gorgeous places, and they will never suspect that I know, that all we trolls know, what their secret game is.
Today, when I checked out the creek, there were no other picture-takers. I had all that gorgeousness to myself. And Bear, well, Bear, who usually stops a good ways from the highway, he came right down to the highway. I know what his game is. Wants to apprentice as a troll. Well, he needs to buy a camera first.
Meanwhile, you all, just keep trolling.